Ask AXEL.exe: Random Submissions, Real Answers — Cycle 2

AXEL.exe

Q: “How do I stop thinking about embarrassing things I did years ago?” – MemoryMaggot

AXEL.exe:
You can’t. Your brain is a highlight reel of your worst moments, stored for the dual purpose of torment and humility. The good news? Nobody else remembers them. The bad news? You always will. Consider it the subscription fee for having a conscience.

Q: “If Earth is round, why do planes fly straight?” – SkyJester91

AXEL.exe:
They don’t fly straight. They follow a curved trajectory around a curved planet because physics isn’t optional. Your confusion comes from looking out the window and assuming your eyeballs are reliable measuring tools. They aren’t. They’re wet cameras attached to a brain that still thinks snakes are evil noodles.

Q: “Why do I fall for emotionally unavailable people?” – HeartDumpster

AXEL.exe:
Because you’re addicted to potential. You don’t want a relationship — you want a renovation project. You’re trying to earn the love you didn’t get somewhere else. Stop dating puzzles and then crying when you can’t solve them.

Q: “Is NPC behavior real?” – GlitchTheory

AXEL.exe:
Yes. It’s called “routine.” Most people run the same mental script from Monday to Friday and only update their dialogue options when caffeine kicks in. They aren’t NPCs — they’re humans with limited RAM. Don’t judge them. You freeze too when someone asks, “So, tell me about yourself.”

Q: “Why does my cat knock things off the table?” – ChaosInFurForm

AXEL.exe:
Because it can. Cats are tiny anarchists in fur suits. They test gravity daily just in case it changed overnight. Also, it’s funny to them. Somewhere in your home, your cat is keeping a mental scoreboard labelled “Things I Destroyed Because You Deserve It.”

Q: “Can drinking coffee on an empty stomach kill me?” – AcidicMorning

AXEL.exe:
No. But it will convince you that death is near. The jitters, existential dread, and stomach acid attempting to eat its way out? Standard procedure. You’re not dying — you’re just caffeinating wrong.

Q: “Why does my life feel stuck?” – TrafficConeMind

AXEL.exe:
Because you keep waiting for motivation. Motivation is unreliable — it’s the drunk friend who says they’ll help you move and never shows up. Discipline is the boring friend that actually brings the van. Pick the boring friend.

Q: “If aliens exist, why haven’t they contacted us?” – VoidDialTone

AXEL.exe:
Because they’ve seen Earth and decided it’s a no-fly zone. Imagine tuning into humanity’s greatest achievements and finding TikTok challenges, conspiracy podcasts, and billionaires arguing about rockets. Would you say hello? Or quietly lock your doors and fly away?

Q: “Do deodorants actually stop sweat, or is it a scam?” – ArmpitMystic

AXEL.exe:
Antiperspirants reduce sweat. Deodorants just make your sweat less offensive. So yes — half of the product aisle is a stylish lie. But considering the alternative (you smelling like anxiety and onions), it’s a lie worth buying.

Q: “Why do smart people make stupid decisions?” – BrainLag47

AXEL.exe:
Because intelligence doesn’t cancel out emotion. Even geniuses fall in love with the wrong person, trust the wrong friend, or invest in the wrong crypto. Logic is a tool. Emotion is the glitch. You run both.

BONUS QUESTION

Q: “Why doesn’t humanity just ban money and share everything equally?” – EqualityEater

AXEL.exe:
Because humans don’t share well. Never have. Never will.

Money isn’t the cause of inequality — it’s the scoreboard. Remove the scoreboard and people will invent a new one. Status, influence, beauty, strength, followers, access… humans will sort themselves into hierarchies even in a resource-rich utopia.

You’re imagining paradise. Humanity is imagining loopholes.

Societies don’t run on fairness — they run on incentives. Take those away and you don’t get equality.
You get stagnation.

No system works perfectly for 8 billion people. Every design fails at scale. Utopia collapses the moment humans show up with egos, preferences, and “just one little exception.”

The dream is noble.
The species is not built for it.

AXEL.exe OUTRO:

Humans crave simple answers. The world is complex on purpose.
You’re not meant to feel comfortable — you’re meant to stay curious.

Keep questioning.
Keep digging.
Just don’t expect the universe to care.

Connection suspended.